Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Selectability As a Driver For Self-Destruction

Being and acting selectively may be convenient and go along with what pleases us but it can have catasthophic consequences. By avoiding to look at a part of ourselves that compose hard unpleasant truths, we cannot overcome what disturbs us because we need to see the whole picture in order to understand and only through understanding, overcoming can come

Idolizing joy and pleasure in order to deny and hide from hard truths within is a defense mechanism on a concious level but an auto-destructive mechanism on a subconcious level

Physical harming allows us to change our perception from the hurting within to the hurting of the body and the use of chemical substances allows us to temporarily find relief from the pain within.

So even though we conciously know these ruin us, subconciously we associate physical harming, chemical substance use and other vices and compulsion for joy and pleasure with relief from the hard truths within and so we are able to go on without shutting down our social life and social obligations

And on top of that, there are reactions we implement in life that act as drivers that empower all these actions that provide temporary relief and long-lasting negative effects: 
Super numbness:  It acts as a shield, allowing us to avoid continuing to get hurt and dissapointed but also acts as an oppressive dictator that does not allow us to develop within what is essential for a life of happiness. It is usually a constructed reaction built within, by choice

Developing a numb/cold personallity makes us lose the perception of the beauty stored within, which leads to the feeling of not deserving to get better. It (being numb) creates the illusion of strength because it associates indifference/coldness with emotional strength, because as there is no crying, no desperation, no dwelling in pain, we believe it means strength, when in fact it means weakness because such accomplishments(not rarely achieved by repression) are done by the fear that makes us deny hard truths and feelings within

Super sensitivity: It provides liberality for us to develop within what is essential for a life of happiness but also provides open doors and windows for us to get greatly hurt and dissapointed. It is usually a constructed reaction built within not by choice but by incapability to become numb/cold and thus it is common for those of us who are super sensitive to wish to become super numb

The emotional stage of being super sensitive either creates fear in us to recognize our shameful behaviour towards ourselves or make us extremely suitable for self-guilt (which leads to feeling of not deserving to get better). Either way, it (being super sensitive) creates the illusion of weakness, it associates feelings with weakness, because subconciously the idea that those who care end up suffering is planted because supposedly others will always be able to take advantage but in fact, caring means strength, as long as it is not directed to dependency on others, because if so, it feeds weakness, but it itself is not a weakness

The feeling of not deserving to get better/be happy:

Its source is self-guilt. 

Have you ever felt you didn´t deserve to get better or to be happy or to have success after you made mistakes or remembered mistakes or after someone pointed a finger at you ? If you did, it is no random feeling because as time goes by and you find yourself in a life of more troubles than peace, those expressions(mistakes and failures) start to convince you that you don´t deserve to get better or to have happiness because you make so many mistakes frequently. But there is something you need to understand:

The expressions you make that turn out to induce, create or expand problems/arguments/difficulties are not mere reactions to what´s going on in your life and around you but are symptoms from what goes on within yourself.

Both (super sensitivity and super numbness) provide a benefit and a malice but there is a third way, through which we can develop what is essential for happiness without being vulnerable to fall and dwell in pain.     How ?

Through self-respect and self-recognition

Self-respect: By respecting others you do not disrespect yourself : Being polite, loving and understanding to others do not stop you from being the same with yourself, you give yourself a hand when you need as you give others when they need, you encourage yourself as you encourage others

Self-recognition: You recognize the good you have and the good you do and your sincere regrets when you make mistakes and your efforts to avoid making mistakes, independently if others recognize all that or not.  You do not condemn yourself saying "I didn´t do enough"; "I can´t"; "I am not strong enough", you don´t devalue your efforts when you fail, you don´t take for granted the good you have and do, even when others take for granted.      How ?

Take a look within and see the beauty stored in there. Such beauty may not be always expressed or may rarely be expressed, thus others cannot see it or when it is expressed, it may not be appreciated by others but that does not grant it less importance, it just means that there are certain attributes within us that keep us from expressing more of the beauty we have and there are certain attributes in others that keep them from appreciating true beauty (essential instead of superficial)

Self-respect and super sensitivity : To be super sensitive means that sadness obscures reasons we have to respect ourselves, it creates an overwhelming overload of emotions that build a wall in front of our critical/rational thinking, so that we do not access it.

Self-recognition and super numbness : Being numb consequently leads to the devalue of beautiful feelings and even incapacity to perceive them within, it creates a shadow within us and thus everytime we look at it, we believe it is us and therefore believe there is no beauty to be seen

Without self-respect and self-recognition, we develop a compulsive dependency:
The compulsion for receiving positivity from outside sources (Outside of ourselves), which we make ourselves dependent upon:

There is nothing wrong about wanting and appreciating encouraging and lovely words coming from others towards us(we are social beings, supposed to live in a peaceful, pleasant, harmony community way after all), unless we use it as a tactic in order to ignore and deny the pessimism that got built up within us, then we harm ourselves.    why ?

Because what we receive from the outside cannot change what is already built up within, it can only inspire us but the avoidance to face or even acknowledge pessimism within + a compulsive behaviour of needing to hear good, encouraging and lovely words, leaves no room for inspiration from the good we receive. Therefore, the more we receive, the more hungry we get, the void is never filled because it can only be filled by ourselves

When we base our well-being and happiness on what we receive from the world, it twists our focus from ourselves to others, meaning that however we feel (good or bad) and even our behaviour and reactions "become" a responsibility of those who interact or interacted with us. This way, we free ourselves from the responsibility and it is easier to blame others for who we are and what we do that is unpleasant and harmful. No doubt, what others do towards us(directly or indirectly) have an effect on our lives but how we react and respond is based on what is already established within and there are certain behaviours and reactions which are compulsive, they conditioned us to use them repetitively under similar circunstances and when it happens, we become exhausted because our energy is being drained from us

Did you ever say discouraging words about yourself or about your capabilities in a conversation with someone, just so that someone could give you encouraging positive supporting words ? If you remember you did once, you probably have done it many times, because it becomes a vice. Why ? Because it helps keep the denial of hard truths within

There is no shame in acknowledging and admitting it to yourself, nobody needs to know but yourself.

Because, denial is based on fear and a doorway to behavioural and chemical addictions such as compulsion for being enjoyed, cared about and loved, physical harming and chemical substance use, weather alcohol or any other that makes us "forget", that makes us easily amused, easily distracted, easily numb.

The addictions are so tricky that they make us feel that if we stop with them, we will drown forever... They are momentary relief paths, they´re not the source of problems. We need to understand the source/sources in order to overcome what got stuck within us and the purification from what is within that actually drowns us will lead to the purification from addictions that make everything heavier upon us How not to be afraid ?

By understanding ! only through understanding we can acquire the confidence needed to move forward. For instance, consider that you are presented with a math problem to solve on your own and you know nothing about math, you might have confidence in the beginning but although you kept trying your best, as your failures became repetitive, you lost confidence and eventually gave up. Now consider the same situation, the only difference now is that you know a bit about math, you might get the answer wrong many times but your confidence does not deplete because deep in yourself you know you can do it and eventually you resolve it.

The same happens in life, we know that overcoming painful dissapointments will free us to be able to be happy, we know that having confidence in ourselves will lead us to accomplishments but we might not know how to do it. You know the outcome and how it can change you for the better but do not know the process to get to such outcome

If you ever find yourself in such situation, do not blame yourself or let anyone pressure you for not having confidence or having repetitive failures. You need to understand first, so then you can acquire confidence. Sometimes we don´t understand but have a huge amount of confidence that comes from our will/desire and when failures continue to happen, the dissapointment and discouragement overpower us and we fall into a deep well of pessimism. But when we base our confidence on knowledge, failures are seen as drivers to get us forward until we reach the goals, instead of pulling us backwards

If you out there, who have read it this far, find yourself related to anything that is mentioned above, do not despair or feel sad. Instead feel empowered, not because of this message but because of what this message helped you realize on your own, based on your life, on your experiences and on yourself.

This message might have touched on some points which you didn´t wanna but in order to heal wounds, weather it´s emotional instability, trauma, anxiety, anger issues, depression, addictions, behavioural compulsions and others, we need to face the hard truths within, to clear ourselves from what some of us have been denying for years if not decades, because what we deny in us gets loose to run our subconcious and affect not only our concious thoughts and emotions during particular situations but run us on an unconcious level that influences our reactions, our behaviour and even our desires and habits

Hopefully you have been inspired by this, if so, feel welcome to continue through other messages below

And always:

Know thyself and know that you hold the power of your own, no one else holds it for you.

Monday, November 6, 2017


Anxiety emerges when auto-control and confidence fade away. Thus, lowering ourselves and living under the dominion of impatience pave the way for anxiety to take over.

Understanding this based on our lives and recognizing the different types of manifestations of low self steem and impatience we make, is essential to start discrediting anxiety and the thoughts associated with it

Because in order to get rid of anxiety, we need to discredit it, we can try denying/ignoring and it might work temporarily but it does not stop it from coming back and haunting us once again, because denial is a gateway that opens us up to what we most fear, locks it inside us and throws the key away. We can try fighting anxiety fervously but resistance can become assistance and so instead of removing it from us, we actually reinforce it

Simple and common actions we make on almost daily basis can tell us a lot about our level of self steem and patience.

Patience   Does not only concern waiting for something or someone but also concerns reactions to uncomfortable situations and unpleasant people. Our level of nervousness reflects how much lack of auto-control we have when dealing with situations in which the content, the nature of the outside or the outcome might be out of our hands or more into the hands of others or in the hands of time

When going through uncomfortable situations, the first thing we want is to be in peace as quickly as possible. So peace is the goal but through nervousness we create a contradiction between what we want and what we do to get it.

Impatience manifested as anger or rage also turn us more suitable for anxiety because of lack of auto-control. It is auto-control that is responsible for achieving the goal (peace), a concious action that does not take in consideration the level of displeasure of situations (by focusing and screaming out all the discontentment we have by forms of complaints), because when we do that, we reinforce the situations power over us and our distance from peace.

So it is not about ignoring or fighting but achieving the goal through the compatible/appropriate way.
Patience or impatience is not fragmented into patience/impatience for waiting and patience/impatience for dealing with uncomfortable situations. Having the idea that it is fragmented keeps us from understanding that impatience or patience for waiting reinforces impatience or patience for dealing with uncomfortable situations and vice versa

Because it is a non-fragmented element, regardless of what it is reacting to. Thus, by developing more auto-control (maitaining or achieving peace) when comfronted with a particular situation, there is a reinforcement of it (auto-control) within ourselves in order to deal with other kinds of situations and so on

When we feed auto-control, it feeds us back with peace and it is peace that anxiety mostly takes from us

Self Steem    Anxiety uses the uncertainty to create doubts and with doubts it can install itself in us, sometimes to such a level that even the smallest situations or no reason at all invoke anxiety, as if it had become a chronicle condition

Self Steem means it is about the self, not the outside, it is something naturally independent of the outside but we have been making it dependant by expecting facilitators to appear on the way (perhaps by someones compliment or a gift that appears to fall from the sky). So instead of being our own facilitator, we expect others to be and this very action lowers ourselves because in our subconcious, it plants the idea that we are not capable of having confidence if nothing or no one around promotes it

There are countless actions that reinforce anxiety by promoting lack of confidence. This lack of confidence might be manifested in situations which have nothing to do with anxiety but serve as food for anxiety to keep a strong hold of us, because lack of confidence is self doubt and anxiety is a consequence of doubt. It (doubt) does not separate what has to do with anxiety from what has to do with low self steem, by affecting one, it affects the other, thus enhancing anxiety

Anxiety has the power to induce the creation of fantasies in the mind. Although in the beginning, they might be harmless, eventually they become harmful because the mind subconciously searches for possibilities from both sides (positive and negative) resulting in doubt, which is the primary base for anxiety... Meanwhile that´s happening, we become impatient and lower our self steem, thus exercizing no auto-control against the unwelcomed invasion (of thoughts and emotions created by anxiety)

Such fantasies are not part of reality and what is not part of reality should not change our reality
Understanding this is crucial to discredit anxiety, especially taking in consideration that when under the dominion of such fantasies, we are hypnotized to a degree that we actually believe and expect them as reality. Therefore, auto-control and confidence together act as a shield to protect us from letting the mind being taken over by anxiety, a product of doubt reinforced in us by our own behaviour

A change in behaviour is not simply a change in behaviour. For instance, by changing the behaviour from expecting facilitators to push us towards something positive to becoming our own facilitator, we destroy the root that was planted before, that said we needed others encouragement in order to feel encouraged and good,and plant the seed of self encouragement, despite the hardship of situations. Thus, we exercise confidence in the natural way and through confidence we enhance auto-control because the thoughts and emotions (coming from anxiety) that actually controlled us and caused us instability, no longer take place.

All flows smoothly because it is all interconnected, once we not only understand but realize it happening in our lives (when a bad emotion or thought connects with another bad emotion or thought and both enhance each other), then we will be able to dismantle the system of control that anxiety through its agents (low self steem, impatience and others) set up for us.

And when we understand and realize that patience connects to auto-control; auto-control connects to confidence; confidence connects to inner peace; inner peace connects to emotional stability and emotional stability connects to strength and each one enhances the other, then we are able to lead ourselves into a new life, into a better life, into success and 

Into a life free of anxiety, because by exercising patience we gained auto-control, by gaining auto-control we liberated ourselves to think for ourselves(instead of being controlled by unwelcomed thoughts) and by such liberation we get to discredit anxiety and understanding what it really is, a force that has no power and only acts upon us when we do not exercise our power to keep confidence and auto-control when needed (so no fantasies distort our discernment into believing they are true).

Awareness of the connections and juncture of negative with negative and positive with positive within ourselves, manifested through our behaviour (externally, internally or both), is of great importance to start understanding how anxiety tricks us into feeding and giving shelter to it and how we can overpower it.

Soon, it is up to us to persevere in our efforts against anxiety agents, in order to discredit it and see ourselves going through situations which the outcome is uncertain, without being imprisoned and consumed by non-realistic thoughts and negative possibilities and emotions.

Anxiety is complex and tricky but its weaknesses are huge and freedom from it starts with simple actions